What to Do if Your Partner Refuses to Attend Couples Therapy
If you and your partner are struggling in your relationship, couple’s therapy is a great option to help get back on track. But what do you do if your partner doesn’t want to participate?
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How to Support a Partner with ADHD
Living with a partner who has ADHD can be difficult at times, especially if you don’t know how to properly support them through your relationship while still focusing on yourself. Take a look at some tips for supporting a partner with ADHD and how to work through their ADHD symptoms together.
Couples Therapists Reveal the Ingredients that Make the Biggest Impact on Your Relationship
I contributed to the following to a PsychCentral article about ingredients that make the biggest impact on relationships:
“Danielle Kepler LCPC, who specializes in couples counseling, also said that repairing before, during and after an argument is vital. It helps you have productive conversations and reduces the tendency of being critical or defensive. “When people feel like their partner is attacking them, they physiologically are unable to take in what the other person is saying due to perceiving their partner as a threat.”
Repairing during an argument might be saying, “I’m feeling really defensive right now, can you reword that last part?” Repairing after an argument includes reflecting on your own. You might think about what happened during the argument to trigger you—exploring whether you’ve felt this way before, as a child or in past relationships.
Then you and your partner process the argument together. Both of you talk about the mistakes you made, and genuinely apologize (by fully understanding and acknowledging how each of you hurt the other). Doing so helps “to wipe the slate clean and not hold onto negative feelings towards one another,” Kepler said.”
Read the entire article here.
This Marital Behavior Is Not Only Annoying, It’s A Sign You Might Divorce
I contributed the following to a Huffington Post article about stonewalling, one of Joh Gottman’s Four Horsemen:
“2. Be aware of the physical reaction you have before you stonewall.
“If you’re a stonewaller, you usually have an internal physiological reaction (increased heart-rate or rapid breathing, for instance) and an external reaction right before you close up: Maybe you physically turn away from your partner or close your eyes and deeply sigh. These are all signs your partner needs to start paying attention to. Discuss what you do during times of distress so you both can recognize the stonewalling warning signs.” ― Danielle Kepler, a therapist in Chicago, Illinois”
You can read the full article here.
6 Signs You’re In A Band-Aid Relationship (And What To Do About It)
I contributed the following to a Huffington Post article about signs you may be in a relationship that you might not really see going anywhere and that you are just staying in it due to comfort.
“Below, experts offer six signs you may be in a Band-Aid relationship and what to do about it.
1. You stop trying to fix the relationship.
You used to try to work on the relationship. These days, though, you’re more inclined to shrug off your problems; your requests have fallen on deaf ears so often, you figure, why bring it up again? That’s a huge red flag, said Danielle Kepler, a therapist in Chicago, Illinois.
“It might seem like you’re just compromising by not bringing it up, but when you don’t express your wants and needs to your partner, you are creating a win-lose situation,” Kepler told us. “It will slowly build up resentment between you two.”
If you’re in a Band-Aid relationship, ask yourself these questions before making any serious decisions.
2. If you were trapped on a deserted island and got to bring someone with you, would your partner be your first choice?
It may sound like a silly hypothetical question, but your answer says a lot about the state of your relationship, Kepler said.
“Who you choose should be someone that you genuinely want to spend time with and care about, someone that you can spend days on end with, comfortably,” she said. “If your ‘desert island person’ isn’t your partner, you might want to consider how strong your bond is right now.”
Read the entire article here.
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