If you suffer from chronic pain, you know just how easily this pain can seep into every area of your life.
However, it can be difficult for your friends and family who do not experience chronic pain to grasp the toll that chronic pain takes on your life.
Because pain is a universal experience, many of your friends and family members may feel like they understand your plight, offering you platitudes, unhelpful and unwarranted advice, or even chastisement when you speak up about your experiences.
Their reactions and inability to understand often adds insult to injury, making your experience even more painful.
While it likely won’t happen overnight, you can help alleviate this frustration by helping the people in your life better understand how chronic pain is different from acute pain.
Here are five ways for you to explain your experience with chronic pain to your family and friends:
1. Define chronic pain
One of the first steps you can take to help your loved ones understand your chronic pain is to be direct and teach them the definition of chronic pain.
In doing so, you will help clear up misconceptions that may make your family and friends think you are exaggerating your pain or neglecting to take actions that will help you make “progress” toward eliminating your pain.
If they don’t understand chronic pain, they may think that all you need to do to relieve muscle pain from fibromyalgia is to get a massage or take a relaxing bath, or they may think that you just need to take a nap or take an aspirin to stop your migraines.
When you are able to help them define chronic pain, they will start to realize that these suggestions are not going to make a difference.
Learning that chronic pain can be permanent can also help them understand that statements like “If you have a positive attitude, things will get better” or “Don’t worry, your pain will go away soon” are not helpful.
Start by defining chronic pain and helping the people in your life see the difference between this long lasting pain and acute pain.
2. Use metaphors and analogies
If you simply say that your back hurts or you are overwhelmingly tired, your friends and family are going to relate what you say to their own experiences.
Instead of realizing that your back has been giving you constant pain for years, they are going to think about the time they threw out their back and felt sharp pains for a week or two. Instead of understanding the pain that comes from chronic fatigue syndrome, they are going to think of the time they felt sleep deprived after a long road trip or pulling an all-nighter in college.
You can help your loved ones have a better understanding of what you are going through by using metaphors or analogies that help paint a picture of your unique experience.
For instance, you could use a metaphor about a light switch and a dimmer switch to illuminate your friends about your experience with chronic pain.
When they experience pain, like throwing out their back, it is like the light switch is flipped on for a week or so, and after that period of time, it is flipped off. However, your pain is like a dimmer switch, where no matter what is going on, the light is still at least partially on. Sometimes you have days where the dimmer switch is all the way up and the pain is intense and other days the light is more dim and your pain is more manageable, but regardless, the light is never all the way off.
You could also use the idea of a gas tank to illustrate your experience. While your family knows what it’s like to have their metaphorical “gas tank” empty, they can always fill it up all the way again. However, your chronic pain and fatigue may prevent you from ever having a full tank.
By using these illustrations, you can give your family a clearer idea of what you are going through.
3. Be explicit about your experience
Some days it may not look like you are experiencing any pain at all. This can make your family and friends feel like your pain has gone away.
By being open and honest about your pain and your need for support, you can help your loved ones recognize just how serious your chronic pain can be.
When your family members plan a full day of holiday shopping that involves walking through the mall for hours, or they want to plan a vacation to an amusement park, or any other activities that you won’t be up for, be upfront with them and explain how draining and painful those experiences will be.
Honest conversations will help your family start to recognize the severity of chronic pain.
4. Make your pain measurable
Because your pain may not be visible, it can be hard for others to grasp that it is present and having an impact on your life.
Try using a pain scale to let others know how you are feeling on a daily basis. Letting your family know that your pain is at a 6 for the day may help them see that you are having a tough time even if it is not apparent.
Another way to make your pain measurable is to explain how chronic pain influences other areas of your life. Let them know that chronic pain can heighten sensitivity in other areas of your body, increase feelings of stress and anxiety, disrupt sleep, shape eating habits, and influence your ability to go to work.
When your family and friends realize that your chronic pain is leading you to only sleep for a couple of hours a night or causing you to miss several days of work each month, they will have a better idea of how even your “invisible” chronic pain has a visible impact on your life.
5. Attend therapy
Attending counseling sessions with or without your family can go a long way toward helping your family learn how your chronic pain affects your life.
A therapist can give you tools and strategies to better communicate and explain your chronic pain while also helping your loved ones understand your experience with chronic pain.
If you are struggling to explain your chronic pain to family and friends, going to therapy can help.
