ADHD is a common disorder among children, but not many people know that it carries over into adulthood. Many adults with ADHD may feel isolated from their loved ones simply because their brains work differently than others. How do you, as a partner, ensure that your significant other feels loved while acknowledging their needs differ from yours? Here are some tips to help support a partner with ADHD:
What is ADHD?
Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (better known as ADHD) is a condition that most people associate with hyperactive kids. However, it is a condition that affects millions of children and adults alike, whether they have trouble sitting still or not. While there is no proven cause of ADHD, the condition is similar to autism and PTSD in that the brains of people with ADHD are wired differently than your everyday neurotypical person.
The Symptoms of ADHD
People with ADHD are generally categorized into three types: hyperactive type, inattentive type, or combined type as children. However, many adults grow up undiagnosed. In adults, common symptoms of ADHD include:
- Impulsivity
- Difficulty sitting still or focusing
- Entering “hyperfocus” (a mentality that shuts out everything except for a given task)
- Difficulty multitasking
- Low frustration tolerance or a “hot temper”
- Frequent mood swings
- Difficulty coping with stress
- Problems “following through” with a task
- Difficulty making and breaking habits
- Poor memory
- Poor planning and organization skills
So, how do we help our partners manage their symptoms? Before we get started, it’s important to note that you aren’t in charge of your partner’s mental well-being. These tips are only for supporting a partner with ADHD so they don’t feel isolated in their experiences.
Communication
Communication is the most important thing to keep in mind when living with anyone who has ADHD. On either end, a lack of clear communication leaves both parties feeling neglected. To help keep communication open and transparent, try using “I” statements: this way of speaking emphasizes your feelings instead of admonishing your partner’s behavior. For example, instead of saying, “you’re annoying during movies,” try, “I feel like you don’t care about what we’re watching when you talk over important scenes.”
Listening to what your partner has to say is also essential to effective communication. You aren’t the only one who can use “I” statements! Make sure you ask how your partner is feeling or what they think after you share your thoughts.
Patience
Patience is another essential part of living with anyone; you’ll need to keep that in mind while living with a partner with ADHD. It might take them longer to get things done, and if your partner takes ADHD medications, they may need to take their medication before getting started on a big task. Regardless of their situation, keep patience in mind with your partner.
Some Specifics
With patience and communication, you and your partner can find new ways to work around difficulties and determine what strategies work best for you. Everyone is different, but there are also some symptoms of ADHD that neurotypical people find challenging to prepare for.
Getting “Stuck”
Getting “stuck” is an often-overlooked symptom of ADHD that occurs when you’ve got to make a choice or complete a task. Imagine the thing (be it a task or decision) as something composed of many, many steps. To do the dishes, you first have to turn on the faucet, get out the soap, soak things that need soaking, and so on. It gets overwhelming! People with ADHD spend lots of time building skills to break out of being stuck, and it’s a time-consuming process.
If your partner is stuck and needs help, remember to approach them with kindness and patience. People can get “stuck” on anything, and a task that sounds simple to you may feel like a lot to them at the moment. Working in little steps and talking through it with your partner is the best way to help them get unstuck.
Memory Difficulties
Memory difficulties are sometimes caused by poor planning and low attentiveness, and it’s very easy to get frustrated when your partner forgets to do something. You may need to remind your partner multiple times to do something– just remember to approach them with respect and kindness!
Lots of people with ADHD benefit from having a planner or visual aid they can look at to remind them of their to-do list, upcoming appointments, or plans. Try having a discussion with your partner to brainstorm different ways you can keep memos.
The Bottom Line
Overall, you can do many things to support a partner with ADHD, but they all boil down to the essentials: communication and patience. Still, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for your partner’s well-being and aren’t their parent! If you are getting overwhelmed, remember to step back if needed.
If you and your partner are struggling with communication or learning coping techniques, remember that a therapist can help! Consider giving us a call today to schedule an appointment with one of our therapists in our Chicago offices or via telehealth.
