When people go their separate ways, it’s painful whether the relationship was platonic or romantic. When friendships end, the heaviness of it can cut just as deep as losing a romantic partner. For teens and young adults, friendship is often a key component of their social identities and daily lives (though people can lose a friend at any age).
Here is why friend breakups hurt so much and what can help in the healing process.
Friendships Are Deep Emotional Bonds
Friendships carry incredible emotional weight. They’re formed over time and built on trust, a shared history, and mutual vulnerability. When a friendship falls apart, the sense of loss can induce anxiety, loneliness, and feelings of rejection. Studies show that broken friendships can disrupt a person’s mental health in several ways, including low self-esteem, emotional instability, and general sadness.
Ambiguous Grief Intensifies the Hurt
A romantic breakup can be confusing, but it usually follows a common script. Friend breakups, however, sometimes end in quieter and more subtle ways. This sort of unclear loss can be especially hard to process. The reasons behind how intensely a person is feeling can be difficult to validate, and the situation often lacks closure.
Our Brains Treat It Like Real Loss
Research suggests that losing a friend can trigger emotional distress in much the same way as grieving a death might. The amygdala (the brain’s threat detection center) activates and sets off stress responses when it perceives significant loss. Neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine can be inhibited as well, which intensifies sadness, loss of pleasure, and anxiety.
Expectations Versus Reality
Many people expect friendships to last forever. When they end suddenly, it can feel like a personal failure. Society tends to recognize romantic heartbreak more than platonic heartbreak, which leaves some people feeling guilty for their grief or confused about the lack of support from others.
Uncertainty Can Be Painful
In many friendships, people avoid arguing or conflict altogether instead of addressing small issues before they become serious. This type of avoidant behavior tends to create uncertainty around what went wrong along the way. Research shows that our brains dislike uncertainty, which makes the loss of a friendship difficult to process.
Losing Social and Emotional Support
A close friend often provides stability for both social life and emotional well-being. When that connection is gone, daily routines and support networks can unravel, leading to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression.
How to Heal After Friend Breakups
After losing a friend, allow yourself to mourn that loss. The friendship was valuable to you, and grieving is valid even if others don’t relate to how you’re feeling.
If you have other friends or close family members, reach out for support. Talking through your experience and feelings with someone who cares can provide you with both comfort and potentially clarity on the situation at hand.
Reflect on the situation and use what that friendship taught you about boundaries, values, and your needs in relationships. As hard as it is, this can be a learning experience that supports your emotional growth.
Finally, do your best to let go peacefully. Remember that just because your friendship with that person ended, you can still hope for the best for them. One step at a time, do what you can to regain your sense of security and engage with life to the best of your abilities.
Healing From the Heartbreak of Friendship Breakups
Friend breakups can hurt as much as romantic ones because of the deep emotional attachment and the ambiguous way they often unfold. By acknowledging the pain, seeking support, and taking care of yourself, you can move forward and still honor the value that friendship once had in your life.
If you’re struggling and you’d like to work with a therapist, feel free to reach out to DK Therapy and schedule an appointment with our office.
