Our brains are wired to focus on the negative. We rehearse negative experiences we’ve had in the past, notice when we are feeling negatively in the present, and worry about potential negative situations we might face in the future.
While this was a particularly useful skill back in the caveman days where humans would need to avoid repeating mistakes that could put them in danger, prepare to spot danger at a moment’s notice and plan ahead to avoid dangerous situations, dwelling on the negative does not serve us well in the present day.
When we are always imagining worst-case scenarios and preparing for failure, we are robbing ourselves of time, energy, and joy.
It’s difficult to feel happy when we’re constantly thinking about what could go wrong at any given moment.
While focusing on the negative can be a hard habit to shake, it is critical that we shift our focus to the positives if we want to feel happy.
Although learning to focus on the positives takes practice and intentionality, it is possible to make this mindset shift.
Here are five tips to help you improve your happiness and learn to embrace a positive mindset:
1. Practice mindfulness
Sometimes we aren’t aware of our negative thought patterns and their influence on our emotions and behavior.
Adopting mindfulness practices like meditation and journaling can help you become aware of your thoughts and feelings. With practice, you will be able to identify harmful thought patterns quickly so that you can address and replace them with ones that will better serve you.
For instance, when a friend doesn’t respond to one of your texts, you may immediately start thinking negative thoughts like “I’m unlikeable, and they don’t like talking to me,” or “They must hate me.”
However, if you are able to catch yourself in these negative thought patterns, you will be able to pause and reframe these thoughts. Maybe your friend didn’t notice your text. Maybe they are busy working, and they will get to your text later.
Shifting your thoughts from “they hate me,” to “they value my friendship and likely just forgot to text back,” will go a long way toward improving your self-esteem and your happiness.
Learning to recognize patterns of automatic negative thinking is the first step toward change.
Mindfulness practices are beneficial because they help people recognize and work through their complicated emotions, allowing them to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.
2. Embrace gratitude
When we’re focused on the negative, we can forget about all of the positive people and experiences we have in our lives.
One of the most effective ways to improve happiness is to practice gratitude for everything good in our lives. Studies have shown that people who practice gratitude tend to experience higher levels of happiness than those who don’t.
Sure, we may not have gotten the promotion we wanted, but we can be grateful for a good job with benefits, good health, and good friends.
Instead of dwelling on this missed opportunity and allowing it to make us feel down, we can start thinking about the people, places, things, and opportunities in our lives that make us happy and express our gratitude.
3. Ask positive “what ifs”
It can be easy to get bogged down by fear when we’re always asking ourselves, “what if?”
What if I fail? What if no one likes me? What if I get hurt? What if I get fired from my job?
Asking these negative “what ifs” allows doubt, fear, and insecurity to creep in and get in the way of our happiness. We sit on the sidelines instead of taking a chance on something that might make us happy, and we fill our heads with anxiety worrying about something bad that could possibly happen.
We can avoid adopting this negative mindset by asking positive “what ifs” instead. What if I succeed? What if I thrive? What if I make new friends? What if I find my dream job? What if my life goes very well?
When we take on this positive mindset, it will keep us from acting out of fear and give us hope that everything will work out well in the future, which will contribute to our overall feelings of happiness.
4. Celebrate small successes
We won’t be able to undo years of negative thinking patterns in the span of a day.
When we encounter a setback on your journey toward positive thinking, we don’t need to feel discouraged or ashamed. Remember, negative thoughts are often automatic, so it will take a long time to learn to recognize and change these unhelpful thought patterns.
Instead of feeling down everytime you experience negative thoughts, try celebrating your progress every step of the way. Everytime you reframe a negative thought into a positive one, give yourself a pat on the back.
As you notice your improvement, you will find yourself feeling happy due to your progress.
5. Attend therapy
We often need extra support when making changes to our thought patterns and related behaviors.
Working with a therapist will give you the skills and strategies you need to identify, address, and reframe negative thought patterns that stand in the way of your happiness.
Consider attending therapy to see how negativity is influencing your levels of happiness and to learn ways to make positive changes.
