Danielle contributed to an article in the Huffington Post about what happy couples do when they feel out of sync.
She contributed the following:
“1. They address the disconnect quickly.
To get to the heart of a problem, first you have to recognize there even is a problem. Giving something a name makes it real, as opposed to an unstated, gnawing feeling that something is off in your relationship.
“Instead of holding in whatever’s bothering them and letting it fester, couples who feel safe and secure in their relationships bring it up in a non-critical manner as soon as possible,” said Danielle Kepler, owner and therapist at DK Therapy in Chicago.
2. They also make it a ‘we’ problem instead of a ‘you’ problem.
Couples in solid relationships try their hardest not to lay the blame on the other. To that end, they’ve made some tweaks to the way they speak to each other: Specifically, when discussing any thorny issues, they use “we” language instead of “you” language, Kepler said.
For instance, “It’s important to me that we’re in agreement on what we do for child care when I go back to work,” not “I really need you to get with the program on this child care thing.”
“This helps to reduce possible defensiveness and one partner feeling ‘blamed’ for the disconnect,” Kepler said. “Connection works both ways; both partners are responsible for turning toward their partner.”
“They might say something as simple as, ‘It feels like we haven’t had any time this week to connect. Can we take some time just the two of us this weekend?’” she continued.”
Read the entire article here.
