There are moments in life that call for bluntness. As much as I want this blog piece to be a heartwarming, encouraging, and sympathetic message, it is very straight forward: How do I support someone close to me who has lost a loved one?
What does that person need from me? How do I show them that I care? Why is it so hard for me to support them or know what to say?
These are all common questions that often get asked to me from my clients.
My answer is simple.
Just show up.
Set aside the fear, the sadness, the confusion. It’s not about your personal feelings right now. We don’t need to provide answers to them or figure out a way to take away the loss they’re feeling. Let go some of that responsibility you feel to make ‘everything ok.’ Just being present and available to the friend or family member is enough. Sometimes, simply validating their experience and pain can be tremendously comforting.
The Struggle to Confront Loss
That chore that we finally want to get around to, that overtime we’ve been offered, that feeling of exhaustion that begs a nap or early bedtime, are all tricks that our minds do to help us avoid confronting death.
The psyche finds ways to prevent us from showing up for our loved one. Our minds don’t want to face what death or near death looks like. We all recognize that our own death will happen, but we trick ourselves into believing it will happen per our mandates. A loved one very close to us who faces death, or dies, has us holding up a mirror, looking into it and saying ‘that could happen to me one day.’
Life is always reminding us to be present and fully accountable. Our bravest acts are sometimes the simplest in nature – just be present and available.
Would you like to schedule an appointment with Adriane?
Adriane is a Licensed Clinical Therapist at DK Therapy. She works with adults who are struggling with substance abuse and their partners. She also works with parents looking for help relating to their children and going through transitions with parenting. Adriane has a special interest in working with people diagnosed with chronic illnesses as well as parents whose children are diagnosed with chronic illnesses. She has a warm and non-judgmental approach and has evening and weekend hours.
