There are moments in life that call for bluntness. As much as I want this blog piece to be a heart warming, therapeutically encouraging, fuzzy and a sympathetic message, it is very straight forward.

How do I support someone close to me who has lost a loved one? What does that person need from me? How do I show them that I care? Why is it so hard for me to support them or know what to say?

These are all common questions that often get asked to me from my clients.

My answer is simple.

Just show up.

Set aside the fear, the sadness, the confusion. It’s not about your personal feelings right now. We don’t need to provide answers to them or figure out a way to take their pain away. Let go some of that responsibility you feel to make ‘everything ok.’ Purely being present and available to the friend or family member is enough. Sometimes, simply being a witness to that which has been unimaginable to the person it is happening to, is tremendous in its comfort.

That chore that we finally want to get around to, that overtime we’ve been offered, that feeling of exhaustion that begs a nap or early bedtime, are all tricks that our minds do to help us avoid confronting death. That’s the psyche finding ways to prevent us from showing up for our loved one. Our minds don’t want to face what death or near death looks like. We all recognize that our own death will happen, but we trick ourselves into believing it will happen per our mandates. A loved one very close to us who faces death, or dies, has us holding up a mirror, looking into it and saying ‘that could happen to me one day.’

Life is always reminding us to be present and fully accountable. Our bravest acts are sometimes the simplest in nature – just be present and available.