Having a partner who lives with a mental health condition presents an array of challenges, as is common in practically any relationship. However, if your partner has Borderline Personality disorder, there are steps you can take to be supportive and help the person you love make it through their hardest days.
Read on to learn more about BPD, how it manifests itself, the symptoms your partner might be experiencing, and the steps you can take if you want to help.
What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
Borderline Personality Disorder, also known by the abbreviation BPD, is a mental health condition that significantly affects a person’s ability to regulate his or her emotions. A person with BPD will have extreme difficulty controlling or managing their feelings, which can lead to impulsive decision-making, poor self-image, and strained relationships with other people.
This condition needs to be evaluated and diagnosed by a licensed mental health provider, like a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. Based on a thorough examination and patient analysis (including family history, symptoms, and experiences throughout life), a provider may come to diagnose BPD after ruling out other possible conditions.
Borderline Personality Disorder can occur alongside other mental illnesses, like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. As such, the condition becomes more difficult to diagnose accurately and/or treat correctly. Overlapping symptoms can also add a layer of difficulty for both the patient and the mental health provider leading his or her treatment plan.
How Does BPD Manifest?
Borderline Personality Disorder can feel like a never-ending ebb and flow of intense emotions for the individual living with the condition. Not only does BPD cause a person to feel emotionally unstable and insecure in the relationships they have, but the disorder can also deeply affect an individual’s sense of self. Someone with BPD might have trouble pursuing goals because those goals can change rapidly. He or she may also struggle with self-image, likes, dislikes, and hobbies.
When an individual lives with BPD, he or she may be extremely sensitive, which makes it easy for them to be triggered by seemingly small issues or challenges. This combined with the difficulty in self-soothing, calming down, and viewing relationships from a healthy point of view can lead someone with BPD to engage in intense, impulsive, or even dangerous behavior.
Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder can be quite complex, and as such, it brings about several signs and symptoms a patient’s loved one might notice. Common BPD symptoms include:
- Frequent changes in self-identity and self-image
- Sudden changes in goals, personal values, likes, and dislikes
- Impulsive behavior, such as spending sprees, quitting jobs, driving recklessly, sabotaging one’s own success, gambling, or unsafe sexual encounters
- Fear of abandonment, resulting in extreme behavior in order to avoid a perceived threat
- Instability in relationships, where a person with BPD may be very attached to a partner for a time, before believing that individual is cruel or uncaring soon afterward
- Suicidal thoughts, threats, or behaviors (including self-harm)
- High stress or bouts of paranoia (which may include delusions)
- Severe mood swings that can last hours or days on end
- Feelings of emptiness
- Inappropriate reactions to situations, including intense anger or cruelty with very little provocation
How to Support a Partner with BPD
If you’re aware of your partner’s mental health condition, this awareness presents you with opportunities you can take advantage of if you want to be a strong ally for the person you care about.
Your partner’s mental health condition can be complicated to understand and isolating for them to deal with alone. As a loving partner, it’s natural to want to do your best to lend a helping hand when your loved one needs it most.
Follow these tips to get started. Try one or more of the following to develop the fundamental skills you should have if you’re looking after a loved one who struggles with BPD.
Learn About BPD
One of the most effective ways to support a loved one with a mental health condition is to get informed about what you’re up against. Take time to learn about BPD by visiting reputable websites or reading books on the disorder. While you won’t be able to understand how your loved one thinks and feels from a personal standpoint, you’ll likely be able to empathize when you know how BPD affects them.
Set Boundaries & Expectations
Do your best to maintain effective communication with your loved one. Let them know what’s on your mind, and create an open, honest connection between you. Listen to their concerns and reassure them that they are safe with you. For example, if they’re afraid you’ll leave them, do what you can to quell those fears.
Be Patient
BPD can be extremely difficult to deal with, both for the individual who has it and that person’s partner. Be patient with your partner, and be patient with yourself. It can become overwhelming if you try to help another person without seeing to your own needs, as well. Take time to practice self-care and take steps to decompress when you’re feeling exhausted or discouraged.
Make Observations
While you’re learning about BPD and trying to apply the information you’ve absorbed to your own situation, you might start noticing familiar behaviors. For example, you might find that your partner has a specific set of triggers that will cause symptoms to manifest. Pay attention to your observations and use what you learn to avoid your partner’s triggers. This way, you can help the person you love remain stable and on the right track.
Encourage Professional Help
BPD is complex, and because of this, someone struggling with this condition will likely need professional help in order to recover. If your partner is considering therapy, encourage them to take that step. If he or she is currently in therapy, get involved with his or her recovery plan and implement the instructions your partner’s therapist mentions. By keeping routines uniform and helping your partner add structure to his or her life, you can help enhance the effectiveness of professional treatment.
Professional help is one of the most effective ways to help a person who lives with BPD. While your efforts to be supportive are appreciated and very much commendable, it’s in the best interest of you and your partner to supplement the plans you’ve made at home. Seek professional help so that your loved one has everything they need to pursue recovery.
If you don’t yet have a mental healthcare provider, reach out to us at DK Therapy at your convenience. Our experienced clinicians will work with you and/or your partner to facilitate effective relief and mental health management.
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