Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD is a serious mental health condition that affects millions of people, whether they’ve been in the military or not. While we usually associate PTSD with shell-shocked veterans, there are tons of ways someone can develop PTSD without being in a warzone.
If you or your partner is struggling with PTSD, it’s easy to feel hopeless and like there’s nothing you c
an do. That’s where you’re wrong: here are five ways you can help support a partner with PTSD:
What is PTSD?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (often shortened to PTSD) is a psychiatric disorder that stems from someone’s trauma. When a traumatic event occurs, an individual can develop PTSD as a response to the event. But what is a traumatic event? Trauma comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. For someone, surviving a car accident could be traumatic, being the victim of a mugging, or even witnessing an event could cause a traumatic response. Prolonged physical, psychological, or sexual abuse can also cause PTSD.
What all of these things have in common, however, is a perceived danger to the victim’s way of life. For an event to be considered traumatic, the individual must see their life as in immediate danger or that an important aspect of their livelihood will permanently change.
PTSD Symptoms
PTSD has many symptoms that overlap with depression and anxiety, but other notable symptoms separate it from the two. PTSD symptoms come in several groups:
Intrusive Thoughts
Unwanted thoughts and memories of a traumatic event are one of the most significant indicators of PTSD. Someone struggling with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder may experience:
- Intrusive memories of the event
- Mentally reliving the event through flashbacks
- Dreams about the event
- Thoughts that they would be “better off dead” or “should have died” in an event
- Thoughts that they are dead or that the world around them isn’t real (this is called dissociation)
Behavioral Changes
Someone struggling with PTSD will also experience major behavioral changes related to their trauma. You may find someone with PTSD actively avoiding things that remind them of the traumatic event, including talking about it. Exposure to things that remind someone of a traumatic event may cause flashbacks or extreme distress.
Emotional Changes
Emotionally, people with PTSD have similar symptoms to people with anxiety or depression. They may feel:
- Numb or emotionless
- Hopeless about the future
- Detached from their loved ones
- Hopeless or angry at themselves, the world, or other people
- Uninterested in previously enjoyable activities
- Guilty about an event
Someone struggling with PTSD may also encounter problems recalling information, maintaining relationships with others, and feeling positive emotions.
Changes in Reactions
Someone with PTSD may also react differently than they had before. For example, your partner might be easily startled by triggers or seem to be on guard. They may also have trouble sleeping, eating, or concentrating. People with PTSD are also prone to angry or aggressive outbursts at perceived danger or practice self-destructive behavior.
What is a Trigger?
I’ve mentioned triggers a couple of times, but what are they exactly?
Triggers (or some say activators) are essentially little things that remind someone of a traumatic experience. Triggers can be anything from loud noises to certain smells, and every individual has different triggers for PTSD. When exposed to something triggering, a person with PTSD may enter a flashback or feel extremely anxious.
What Causes Triggers?
As I mentioned earlier, triggers can be just about anything. I’ve met people who are triggered by the texture of Jell-O and others who are triggered by a specific location. Usually, people with PTSD will do their best to avoid potential triggers, but as a therapist, it’s my job to help them work through triggering situations.
Key Elements to Supporting a Partner With PTSD
As a partner, it’s not your job to dredge up a traumatic event or practice exposure therapy with your partner. Instead, your job is to support them through their trauma. The best thing a partner can do to help their loved one with PTSD is to stick to these three ideas:
Patience
It’s essential to be patient with your partner as they work through their trauma, even if their triggers make no sense to you. Remember that they are struggling with a psychological condition affecting their daily life and that some tasks may be more challenging.
Understanding
Understanding that your partner needs a safe space is vital to show your support for them. Try to work with them to build a space where they can sit, relax, and use their coping skills effectively. If they need time alone, respect their personal space– you’re not their therapist, and they shouldn’t ask you to be.
Communication
Finally, make sure you and your partner communicate your needs. Strong communication is the foundation of any relationship, and for people with PTSD, some extra explaining here and there is helpful! Consider sitting down with your partner and asking them what things may trigger them, and let them know that while you’re not their therapist, you’re here to help. If they aren’t seeing someone about their trauma, try to emphasize how therapy can help them cope with their trauma!
Remember, always put your mental health first. If you need to step away or leave the relationship, it’s alright. Strong support comes from a place of resilience and self-love. To support your partner, you first have to support yourself!
5 Ways to Help Your Partner With PTSD
For the worst of days, there are some ways you can help your partner get back on track after a flashback. Here are five things you and your partner can do together to get out of trauma mode:
Sensory Checks for Dissociation
Dissociation is distressing, but no one can experience all five senses simultaneously while dreaming. Helping your partner through a sensory check is a great way to get them back on track when dissociating. Counting down from five, have them list:
- 5 things they see
- 4 things they hear
- 3 things they feel
- 2 things they smell
- 1 thing they taste
Building Routines
Building and sticking to routines is a great way to establish safety and stability. The routines don’t have to be intricate, either– maybe it’s just doing the dishes right after dinner or showering before bed. Regardless of the routine, try to stick with it as best as possible.
Practice Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is the process of noticing, acknowledging, and moving on from negative thoughts and emotions. It can also help trauma survivors cope with distressing thoughts surrounding a traumatic event. When your partner is deep in trauma mode, working with them to accept and move past those thoughts and onto something else is an excellent technique.
Snap Out of Panic Attacks with TIPP
If your partner struggles with a panic attack or needs help getting out of a flashback, changing their body temperature using the TIPP (temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, progressive muscle relaxation) method is a great way to snap back to reality. To practice TIPP, get a cold washcloth or ice pack for them to put on the back of their neck. Then, help them through a quick cardio workout, deep breathing exercises, tensing up, then relaxing their muscles.
Before using this exercise, make sure your partner is okay with you helping them!
Create A List of Things to Do
Distractions are handy after radically accepting a distressing thought or emotion. Switching gears to something you enjoy can build positive emotions and create a sense of safety. Make a list with your partner of things you like to do to switch gears in a crisis situation.
You are not alone in your experiences. If you or a partner is struggling with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, don’t wait– schedule a session with one of our therapists here and get the help you deserve.
