Every human being has boundaries or lines that they cannot cross, but even when a person is confident that the boundaries they set are fair, others might try to intervene. If you’re struggling to set healthy boundaries at home, at work, or with friends, you’re not alone.
The issue might be related to your reluctance to refuse something, even if it makes you uncomfortable, or it could be due to an outside force trying to cross a boundary of yours.
Keep reading to learn more about how to set healthy boundaries, and why they’re an important part of any relationship.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are a list of rules or limitations that a person puts in place to set expectations for others in their lives. Clearly defined boundaries tend to produce the best results, especially when discussed with people who care about and respect the boundary-setter. For example, a person might note that he or she needs privacy between 5:00 PM and 7:00 PM for studying during the week.
Setting this type of boundary helps the individual maintain his or her accountability, and helps family members and friends avoid unintentionally interfering with the individual’s educational performance.
Boundaries can be either healthy or unhealthy, so it’s important to be aware of the difference. Healthy boundaries might include the following scenarios:
- Clearly communicating a need, but keeping some form of flexibility intact in case a new situation arises
- Expressing wants and needs in ways that are clear and well-received
- Being able to say no, or accept someone else’s right to say “no” without conflict
- Defining boundaries that respect an individual’s needs
- Defining boundaries that respect the needs of others
- Discussing boundaries without fear of rejection or confrontation
In general, a healthy boundary is one that doesn’t significantly or unnecessarily compromise anyone involved in the scenario at hand.
Why Are They Important?
Boundaries help individuals express what they can and cannot accept. A healthy boundary is important because it enables one person to define what they want and need out of a situation, and makes it easy for those around them to be informed and ready to help.
In some situations, people struggle to advocate for themselves out of fear that they’ll be confronted, or the idea that they’ll disappoint the people around them. Without setting boundaries, these fears could very easily pressure a person into working well beyond their limits. While this issue might be uncomfortable or irritating in some scenarios, pushing an individual beyond his or her limits could be physically or mentally damaging in other cases.
As such, setting healthy boundaries is essential in any relationship.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Before setting healthy boundaries, you need to be aware of what you want and/or need out of a situation you’re facing. Take some time to evaluate yourself and how you tend to react to the challenges facing you, and determine which expectations you need to set for yourself and others.
For example, if you have a difficult time saying “no” even when you’re too busy to reasonably take on extra work, meditate on this trait. Why is this an issue for you? What happens when you fail to let others know that you can’t take on another responsibility? You might want to be helpful, or maybe you’re afraid of not looking like a team player. However, taking on more than you can handle has the potential to decrease the quality of your whole workload, so setting a boundary is worth exploring.
To set a healthy boundary, know what you want and approach it assertively. Don’t be demanding, but make sure that people acknowledge you.
Approach setting a boundary like so:
- Be clear and straightforward.
- State your need or want without beating around the bush. Don’t frame it as, “I don’t like…” or “I like to…” Instead, tell others that you want or need a specific thing without overexplaining.
- Accept the way others react, but don’t let their reactions push you.
The final step is perhaps the hardest for people who struggle with exhibiting their independence. In many situations, a boundary you set might be completely healthy, yet those around you will guilt you, push you, and complain about how your boundary isn’t okay with them.
Remember that YOUR boundaries don’t have to be approved by other people in order for them to be healthy. Plenty of people try to test how far they can pressure others, but in these situations, the respondent is exhibiting unhealthy behaviors, not you.
Just because a boundary is difficult to set does not mean that it’s not a valid boundary. If you’re having trouble setting boundaries with others in your life, reaching out for professional help might be worth considering. Contact DK Therapy and one of our licensed therapists can work with you to develop and set boundaries to make sure that they stick.
