Many of us have experienced that frustrating time at the end of a great hang-out with a friend. You’ve had so much fun, caught up on each other’s lives, and remembered what life used to feel like when you got to see your friend on a regular basis. Then the calendars come out, and you feel defeated, not knowing the next time you’ll see your friend.
There are kids’ schedules pulling you every which way, work is asking for your attention, and you have four friends’ weddings to attend in the next two months all while trying to find a moment to yourself. It’s not easy to maintain friendships through the ups and downs of chaotic life phases.
So what does friendship look like in this phase? Busy schedules and shifting priorities shouldn’t mean you have to abandon your friendships altogether, so what might it look like instead?
It can be tricky but not impossible to maintain friendships through different life stages. Here are some things to keep in mind:
Create new ways to connect that are less time-consuming
Friendship in the past might have meant weekly coffee dates or nightly video calls. Life might not have the time for that anymore. Does that mean connection has to end? Of course not! Talk with your friends about how you’d like to stay in the loop about each other’s lives and how they are doing.
Texting is a quick way to stay in touch and can be more than traditional check-ins- send how your week is going only in GIFs; explain your headspace with emojis; send over the song that would play in the background if your life was being filmed.
If you love calling but can’t find the time, voice memos can allow for a similar sense of communication while allowing them to be listened to at any time. Maybe old-fashioned snail mail is the way to go! Who doesn’t love getting a postcard in the mailbox instead of your electric bill?
Staying in touch might not require hours on end of chatting, and if you can embrace a new way of feeling connected it can make a world of difference to maintain your friendships.
Lean into shared hobbies and interests
Why did you and your friend bond in the first place? Did you both have a love for cooking, rock climbing, or knitting? Maybe you met at a workout class or at a book club.
When life gets hectic, hobbies and passions may go by the wayside. Ask your friend if they’d like to reincorporate that shared interest back into your lives, together.
Not only will you get to connect with one another and maintain your friendship, but you’ll be making new memories doing something you both love.
Bring back casual activities as an event
Who decided that running errands isn’t seen as the ideal friend hangout? If you and your friend both need to go to the grocery store, the pharmacy, and the shipping store, why not go together?
Yes, a great time with your friend might include a dedicated movie night, a pottery class, or a walk by the beach, but what makes those things so special is doing it with your friend. Embrace the mundane hang out, getting things off the to-do list together. Efficiency and community all at once!
Remember the four C’s: Connection, Commitment, and Compassion
Strong friendships lay in strong connection, commitment and compassion. If you try out new ways to connect and still feel that it is lacking, look at if the other C’s are still there. Do you each feel a commitment to the friendship? Are you compassionate toward each other that your lives have changed and your business is not indicative of your love toward each other? Lean into the other aspects of friendship when your lives don’t allow for the level of connection you’d prefer.
You might try some of these tips and they don’t work for your friendship or your needs. That’s when communication becomes even more important with your friends. Talk about the shifting dynamics and how you both feel about it. Take time to grieve the friendship that once was as you move into a new way of showing up for one another. Adult friendship is tricky to navigate, and talking it through with each other can be the glue that keeps you together.
