Negative behavior has always been an unfortunate component of the dating world, and for individuals who seek meaningful relationships, tactics like breadcrumbing can really throw a wrench in pursuing romantic goals.
Breadcrumbing is a manipulative tactic in which one person shows surface-level interest in another. They act like they want to know that person and will attempt to persuade them into believing they’re invested in the relationship when they aren’t. A person who breadcrumbs will only put enough effort into a relationship to keep the other individual interested in them, but their actions show that they’re not looking for serious, committed involvement.
Why Do People Breadcrumb?
There are several reasons why a person might breadcrumb someone they’re romantically involved with. For one, some people fear making a commitment to an official relationship, but they still want the attention that comes from being with someone who cares about them. They might also breadcrumb because they feel that a relationship is moving too quickly and they don’t want to get into uncomfortable conversations or territories. In other situations, a person might breadcrumb because they lack empathy and don’t truly care for others no matter how much that person cares about them.
Signs You’re Being Breadcrumbed
Breadcrumbing can be incredibly hurtful for an individual who seeks meaningful relationships, but it can be difficult to pick up on until one has already become emotionally invested in a person who isn’t on the same page as them. Identifying when you’re being breadcrumbed can help you protect yourself from it. Look for these signs.
- Indirect contact, such as sending DMs or liking/commenting on social media posts
- Failure to adhere to plans, as in, something almost always “comes up” when you’re supposed to spend time with this person
- Making time for you only when sexual activity is probable or assured
- Hot and cold affection, meaning that this person will pay you a lot of attention one moment and ignore you the next
- Refusal to have any serious discussions about the nature or future of your relationship
- Flirting, but then shutting down any attempts to go on dates or get to know you as a person
How to Deal with Breadcrumbing
Being aware of breadcrumbing signs is only one piece of the puzzle. It’s equally important to be able to protect yourself from these situations so that you can move on to happier, healthier relationships with others. If you’re dealing with a person who doesn’t seem to care about you the way you care about them, take the following steps.
Face the Facts
Give yourself a moment to look at the interactions you share with this person. If you find that you’re the one putting all the effort into getting to know them, you’re probably being breadcrumbed. Admit to yourself that this is happening, and in doing so, you can look at the situation with open eyes.
Step Back
If someone you’re interested barely pays you any mind (unless they want something), it’s time to distance yourself from them. Take a step back and acknowledge that making yourself available for someone who won’t do the same for you isn’t healthy.
Dedicate Less Time to Them
A good way to combat being breadcrumbed is to put as much effort into pursuing a relationship as the other person does. Don’t be the first one to reach out. Don’t dedicate your time to crafting deep, thoughtful conversation starters. Instead, pay this person only as much attention as they pay you.
Talk About It
Let’s say you really care about this person and you’re not completely sure you’re being breadcrumbed. If this is the case, talk about it. Let the other person know that you feel like you’re being led on. Express that you’d like them to dedicate more time to you. If they care about you, they’ll make an effort to show you they do. If nothing changes, you have the answers you need to move on.
In the dating landscape, it can be challenging to know whether you’re on the same page as someone you’re romantically interested in. However, by practicing awareness and keeping an eye out for the signs associated with breadcrumbing, you can learn to steer clear of these lackluster interactions in favor of more fulfilling, meaningful relationships.
If you’re struggling with dating and feel as if therapy would be helpful, reach out to us at DK Therapy. We would be happy to provide you with support.
