Couples Therapists Reveal the Ingredients that Make the Biggest Impact on Your Relationship

“Danielle Kepler, LCPC, who specializes in couples counseling, also said that repairing before, during, and after an argument is vital. It helps you have productive conversations and reduces the tendency to be critical or defensive.

“When people feel like their partner is attacking them, they physiologically are unable to take in what the other person is saying due to perceiving their partner as a threat.”

Repairing during an argument might be saying, “I’m feeling really defensive right now, can you reword that last part?”

Repairing after an argument includes reflecting on your own. You might think about what happened during the argument that triggered you. Explore whether you’ve felt this way before, as a child or in past relationships.

Then you and your partner process the argument together. Both of you talk about the mistakes you made and genuinely apologize. Take the time to fully understand and acknowledge how each of you hurt the other.

Doing so helps “to wipe the slate clean and not hold onto negative feelings towards one another,” Kepler said.

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