Anxiety is a part of life. Whether it’s butterflies before a test, pre-game jitters, or the weird feeling of being in a new place, it’s normal to get anxious sometimes. However, feeling anxious, nervous, or on edge every day is a problem; chronic anxiety disorders affect millions of people around the globe, and at times, anxiety is debilitating.
So, how do we cope with chronic anxiety and support our loved ones who struggle with anxiety disorders?
What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Before getting into the best ways to support a partner with anxiety, let’s first establish what exactly chronic anxiety is. Most people with chronic anxiety are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder like Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Panic Disorder to identify treatment methods.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as defined by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, is the existence of frequent worry. More specifically, GAD is diagnosed “when a person finds it difficult to control worry on more days than not for at least six months.” In addition, the individual must experience at least three symptoms of the disorder as listed in the DSM-V.
Symptoms of Anxiety Disorders
The symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder overlap with anxiety in general. However, the main difference between passing and chronic anxiety is that these feelings persist and reappear frequently. Common anxiety symptoms include:
- Feeling restless, on edge, or wound-up
- Difficulty concentrating
- Feeling as though something terrible will happen
- Irritability
- Headaches, muscle aches, stomachaches, or unexplained pains
- Difficulty controlling feelings of worry
- Having sleep problems, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep
Other Notes
Aside from symptoms, someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder might not even know why they’re anxious. Sometimes, the worry simply exists.
What is Panic Disorder?
In addition to Generalized Anxiety Disorder, panic disorders are also common. Like GAD, panic disorders are identified by frequent, recurring attacks, which don’t always have a specific source. Panic attacks, however, have different symptoms than anxiety attacks.
Many people with Panic Disorder have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and vice versa. It’s also normal for someone who experiences panic attacks to feel anxiety before and after the panic attack as well.
Panic Attack Symptoms
Panic attacks feature physical symptoms, and while they don’t last as long as an anxiety attack (they only last up to a few hours), they can still be debilitating and significantly reduce someone’s energy levels. Panic attack symptoms include:
- Shortness of breath
- Racing heartbeat
- Sweating
- Trembling
- Tingling sensations around the body
- A strong feeling of impending doom
- Feeling as though you are “out of control” or cannot do anything in a given situation
Supporting a Partner with Anxiety
So, how do we support a partner who struggles with chronic anxiety and panic attacks?
Honestly, the best way to do so is through communication. However, it’s also important to remember that your mental health comes first. If you cannot take care of yourself mentally, helping a loved one through a panic attack will be challenging. Make sure you are taking care of your emotional needs and coping with your own anxieties too!
Learn the Signs
The first thing you and your partner can do to establish a strong support foundation is to learn the signs of an anxiety or panic attack. Everyone worries and panics differently, and knowing the signs of a “panic spiral” in yourself and your partner is a great way to stop the panic before it happens. Think back to the last time your partner was in distress. How did they act? Did their mood suddenly change, or did they become restless? Pay attention to these patterns to help identify when your partner is anxious (you can do the same for yourself, too).
For example, maybe your partner starts talking about the future and begins planning months ahead. Maybe their thoughts start racing, or they bounce their leg while sitting down. These first signs are great points to stop and say, “Hey, are you worried about something?”
Communicate Your Support
Next, you’ll want to communicate your support to your partner. Remember, you aren’t trying to take over and “fix” them; your goal is to help them to slow down mentally.
Emotional Validation
Start by letting them share their concerns. For some people, their worries may feel arbitrary, and they might say something like “It’s stupid” (it’s not stupid).
At this point, the best thing you can do is validate these feelings. Even if your partner’s anxieties aren’t based in reality, or they know there shouldn’t be anything to worry about, it’s still okay to be concerned. Noticing and accepting your partner has concerns is also not the same as enabling them. Think of it as answering a question; you aren’t here to pass judgment, just to help. If your partner feels invalidated about their anxieties, they’ll feel less likely to share them and stew in worry for longer.
One of the things I like to say to my loved ones when they’re worried is, “Okay, how can we work through this together?”
Expressing Concern
You can also express your concern if you notice your partner experiencing an anxiety or panic attack. Letting your partner know that you care about them and want to help is essential to working through anxiety alongside them, so being upfront about your willingness to support them is key. When you can, try sitting down with your partner and coming up with a plan for handling panic attacks and anxiety attacks together.
Practice Skills Together
If you or your partner are experiencing panic attacks, breaking out of them can be incredibly difficult without help. Practicing mindfulness and crisis management skills together can help you remind each other that you aren’t alone and that you have skills available to help make panic a bit more manageable. Here are three awesome skills that you can work through together at anytime, anywhere:
Sensory Checks
Sometimes when we panic, it can be hard to feel like the world is real. Sensory checks are a handy tool to check yourself back into reality and ensure you’re grounded. Help walk your partner through experiencing each of the five senses. Ask them for:
- Five things they see
- Four things they hear
- Three things they feel
- Two things they smell
- One thing they taste
If possible, try to get them moving around to smell and feel things. Getting outside and into the fresh air is super useful!
Regulated Breathing
One of the most often mentioned exercises for managing anxiety is deep breathing. To do this exercise, inhale through your nose for a count of five, hold your breath for a beat, and exhale for another count of five. When you exhale, focus on how your lungs contract as the air leaves them and how your muscles relax as you breathe.
Incorporating Logic
When dealing with anxiety, one of the best things you can do is to out-logic your brain, especially if the anxiety has no particular cause or seems “irrational.” Ask your partner:
- “What are you worried about?”
- “Why are you worried about it?”
- “Is it possible for the situation to happen?”
- “What makes it possible?”
Then, you can work towards out-smarting the brain. If your partner is worried about something that can realistically happen, ask them:
- “What is the worst thing that could happen in this situation?”
- “What’s the best thing that could happen?”
- “What’s the most likely outcome of the situation?”
- “Is there anything you can do right now to help sway the outcome?”
Remember, you are not alone in your situation– millions of people are just like you, and an equal number of people are willing to help. If you need to reach out for more anxiety tips and tricks, contact us for an appointment here.
