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The Empty Space: Dealing with the Void Left by Changing Circumstances

The Empty Space: Dealing with the Void Left by Changing Circumstances

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Life is a series of changes and challenges, some anticipated and others sudden. Career changes, moving to a new city, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a loved one can leave us feeling lost and empty. Though this void is a painful place to be, it also offers opportunities for growth and transformation.

So, if you’re currently dealing with this sense of being unanchored, take a look at a few tips for making it through the changes life throws at you.

Identify What’s Happening

The first step in dealing with significant life changes is to identify it. It’s natural for things to feel bigger than they are, and from this, it’s also natural to experience a range of emotions around the situation. Sadness, anger, and fear can make it hard to look at your circumstances objectively, but once you have a clear picture of what’s happening, you can start recovering. 

Let yourself feel the feelings you’re experiencing along the way as well. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking therapy can help you process these emotions.

Rediscover Yourself

Changes often leave us questioning our identity and purpose in life. Try to use this time to rediscover who you are. Reflect on your passions, values, and dreams. What activities or hobbies bring you joy? What causes are you passionate about? This self-discovery phase can help you chart a new course for your life.

Establish New Routines

Big changes can disrupt the daily routines we’ve built for ourselves, which can worsen feeling directionless and empty. Establishing new routines can help add structure to your life during a trying time. Having this sense of normalcy will at least give you a way to tether yourself to your reality.

Start small. Set a morning ritual, schedule regular exercise, or plan weekly meetups with friends. These small, consistent actions can help rebuild a sense of stability in your life.

Build Supportive Relationships

Human connections are important during life’s many transitions. Do what you can to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who offer you empathy and encouragement. When you need help or you just want to vent your feelings, don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust. Sometimes, talking to someone who has gone through a similar experience can provide valuable insights and comfort.

Engage in Meaningful Activities

Filling the void inside often involves finding new sources of fulfillment. Participate in activities that give you a sense of meaning and accomplishment. Volunteer for a cause you care about, take up a new hobby, or pursue further education. Meaningful activities can redirect your focus from what you’ve lost to what you can gain.

Reflect on Your Journey

You’re not going to get from Point A to Point B overnight, and because of this, it can be hard to feel like you’re making any progress. Take time to reflect on the journey you’ve made and compare life to where you were before versus where you are now. You may not be exactly where you’d like, but it’s important to acknowledge and appreciate your own efforts to improve.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If the void feels overwhelming and you’re struggling to cope, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. A therapist or counselor can you with provide tools and strategies to help you make sense of your emotions and rebuild your life.

Filling the void left by changing life circumstances is a complicated process. Take your feelings and experiences into account and do your best to just put one foot in front of the other. Recovering from the shock of a big change is hard, but taking it one day at a time will make the challenges ahead a little more manageable. Remember, change, while difficult, often leads to new beginnings and unexpected opportunities.If you’re struggling and you’d like to seek therapy, reach out to DK Therapy at your convenience. Schedule an appointment with our office to speak with an experienced counselor.

Vulnerability During and After a Therapy Session

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One of the best TED talks I was ever introduced to was one by Brene Brown called “The Power of Vulnerability.” I’ve read a few of her books, but I still like to watch the TED talk every now and then to remind myself how important vulnerability is within the therapeutic setting.

I often have clients say to me in session “I’m sorry I was so emotional” or “I’m sorry I cried the whole time.” It’s interesting to me that clients feel the need to apologize for their vulnerability during session. I can definitely see why they do this. Most people were raised not to express vulnerable emotions, weaknesses, and flaws. Having to do just that while in therapy for one hour each week or so can be incredibly intimidating! I remember I had one client who said he needed to “take time” after our sessions because he was not used to telling anyone, let alone someone he didn’t really know, about his unpleasant emotions and flaws.

I am always careful not to placate or invalidate a client’s vulnerability by saying “it’s ok.” Instead, I try to thank them for trusting me enough to be vulnerable in session because that is what I need to see in order for clients to make changes in their life. As a therapist, it is often difficult for me to sit with my clients when they are so vulnerable. In a way, I empathize so much, that I start to feel vulnerable myself. This is a process for me and for every therapist.

I believe that once you can have a vulnerable conversation, one where you express and sit with your true and unpleasant feelings/thoughts, in the therapeutic setting, you can start to be vulnerable in your every day life. State dependent learning anyone? Take that client I mentioned earlier, he was exercising his “vulnerability muscle” if you will. Soon, he was able to have more emotion-focused conversations with his wife, where he would admit his insecurities about their marriage. This brought them closer and wouldn’t have happened had he not practiced and become more comfortable with being vulnerable.

My challenge to you, is to make yourself emotionally vulnerable to someone once a week to start flexing your “vulnerability muscle.” For me, this is usually admitting to someone that I do not know the answer and will have to look it up, asking for directions, or admitting I was not fully listening to a friend or family member when they were speaking. Each time I do something like this, I become more comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and I would hope this makes me more equipped to sit with vulnerability in the therapy room. My hope is that it would also allow my clients to be more vulnerable with me in session. After all, if you cannot be vulnerable with your therapist, who is un-biased and non-judgmental, with whom can you be?