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Dating in Your 30s: Navigating Dating with Confidence

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Coping With The Loneliness of Expat Living

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The Boomerang Effect: Parenting Challenges with Adult Children Moving Back Home

If you’re one of many parents who have recently had their adult children (as well as their families, in some cases) come home, keep reading for tips on how to keep your home life stable with two or more generations under one roof.

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Saying Goodbye: Nurturing Yourself as Your Child Starts College

Explore strategies you can follow in order to properly nurture yourself when your child leaves for college.

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Adjusting to Life After College: Navigating Relationship Changes and Friendships

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How Climbing Mt. Rainier Strengthened My Marriage

This past weekend I did something I thought I’d never do — mountain climb. My husband has been, to put it nicely, obsessed with Mt. Rainier for a long time. When he asked if I would “hike” with him on our trip to Seattle, I agreed, not knowing what I was really signing up for.

What I thought I signed up for was a tricky hike alongside a mountain. What I got was snowshoeing for 5 hours,  at times at a 45 degree incline! The weather was phenomenal (65 and sunny!), so it was about 40% physical struggle and 60% psychological/mental struggle. I found that if I kept my focus a few inches ahead of where I was walking, I did not psych myself out as much by looking too far ahead (at the very steep mountain) or too far behind (at the very steep mountain).

I don’t know about you, but when I am put in situations where my life feels threatened, I tend to lash out (i.e. yell) at the person who put my life in danger. In this case, it was my husband. We had almost reached our destination, Panorama Point, when I slipped and fell, keeping myself from sliding down the snow-covered mountain using my knees and trekking poles. I fell into the snow and couldn’t move. This is when the lashing out really started. Even though my husband had stopped me from sliding further down the mountain, that didn’t stop me from telling him how much I regretted doing the climb and how much he was not being helpful to me at the time. What can I say? I’m only human!

My husband recognized that I was “freaking out” and asked another climber to assist me by making foot holds so that I could stand back up and continue ascending. “She’s not listening to me at this point,” he told the helpful stranger, “so maybe she will listen to you.” Of course, I wasn’t listening to him! I had lost confidence in my ability to climb further and truly wanted to call it quits! I was also mad at him for even fathoming doing such a dangerous task in the first place! Once I realized that I could in fact get myself standing, I began climbing slowly up. With the encouragement of my husband, I continued to climb until we both safely reached the top of the point.

It was then that I realized how proud I was of my husband. When I was clearly being critical of him, he did not get defensive and make the situation worse. Instead he recognized the frightened state I was in and did not personalize what I was saying to him. Without his encouragement, I would have never gotten over my fall and would have never believed in myself enough to continue climbing. He really does have a special gift to not personalize my attacks. If he had, both of us probably would have slid down further, not reached our destination, and felt defeated. Instead, I felt triumphant and accomplished!

I’d like to think that he is able to handle these situations so well because I am such a gifted couples therapist, but some skills just can’t be taught. Talk about an awesome shared experience! This has been one we will remember for the rest of our lives. When he asked if I’d like to go back, “You bet,” I said. “As soon as possible!”

Next destination will be Camp Muir and who knows, maybe someday the Mt. Rainier Summit!

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.” ~ Confucius

View from Panorama Point on Mt. Rainier

Picture taken of view from Panorama Point on Mt. Rainier

 

 

Welcoming New Hellos

It has been difficult for me to say goodbye to the clients I have gotten to know for the past three years. These clients have shared with me their struggles, triumphs, their secrets, and their pain. I am forever grateful for the therapeutic relationships I have formed. I learn something new every day from a client and I make it a point to tell them that –whether it is a new restaurant, book, TV show, or way of thinking about the world.

A friend of mine recently said, “Attachment is a funny beast. Through the ebb and flow of life our attachments whittle closer to our core, becoming a complex source of compassion, pleasure, and pain.”  I’ve become attached to my clients.

Many clients see their therapist as a constant support in their life, someone who will always be there, even if they are not. They get attached. Attachment makes it hard to say goodbye. To anyone who has ever seen a therapist, and had that therapist leave their place of work, please know this process is just as hard on the therapist as it is on the client.

One of my favorite quotes is by William James: “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us” and I believe I did just that. New beginnings mean new attachments, I believe I am ready. I am welcoming new hellos!