Compromising with your partner is essential to maintaining a fulfilling, communicative relationship. Gottman Method Couple’s Therapy emphasizes compromise as a key component of any healthy relationship: here are my favorite tips for helping partners compromise.
If you and your partner are struggling in your relationship, couple’s therapy is a great option to help get back on track. But what do you do if your partner doesn’t want to participate?
Living with a partner who has ADHD can be difficult at times, especially if you don’t know how to properly support them through your relationship while still focusing on yourself. Take a look at some tips for supporting a partner with ADHD and how to work through their ADHD symptoms together.
“Danielle Kepler, LCPC, who specializes in couples counseling, also said that repairing before, during, and after an argument is vital. It helps you have productive conversations and reduces the tendency to be critical or defensive.
“When people feel like their partner is attacking them, they physiologically are unable to take in what the other person is saying due to perceiving their partner as a threat.”
Repairing during an argument might be saying, “I’m feeling really defensive right now, can you reword that last part?”
Repairing after an argument includes reflecting on your own. You might think about what happened during the argument that triggered you. Explore whether you’ve felt this way before, as a child or in past relationships.
Then you and your partner process the argument together. Both of you talk about the mistakes you made and genuinely apologize. Take the time to fully understand and acknowledge how each of you hurt the other.
Doing so helps “to wipe the slate clean and not hold onto negative feelings towards one another,” Kepler said.
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I contributed the following to a Huffington Post article about stonewalling, one of Joh Gottman’s Four Horsemen:
“2. Be aware of the physical reaction you have before you stonewall.
“If you’re a stonewaller, you usually have an internal physiological reaction (increased heart-rate or rapid breathing, for instance) and an external reaction right before you close up: Maybe you physically turn away from your partner or close your eyes and deeply sigh. These are all signs your partner needs to start paying attention to. Discuss what you do during times of distress so you both can recognize the stonewalling warning signs.” ― Danielle Kepler, a therapist in Chicago, Illinois”
You can read the full article here.
